Case studies of anonymous student/clients

A few anonymous interpretations of student and client interactions I've had over the weekend.

Children, whether it be some part coincidental, that are raised with a balance of stable security, structure, discipline and freedom will valiantly pursue a meaningful life.

In conversation with one of my junior high school students, I was impressed by some of the questions they asked. In fact, I was impressed that they were asking a barrage of relevant and scaleable questions about their future. For context, they come from a stable, upper class family background with plenty of family time. Some of the questions were:

- "What do you think about so and so's teaching style?"

- "What is this person's weakness and why? I think it is because xxx."

- "How do I make these newcomers feel more welcome? I try to do xxx."

- "I try to appreciate and tell myself not to take what I have for granted."

To summarise, the traits of this student were definitely a huge catalyst for growth: compassion, awareness, discipline, social and creative. I'm very mindful that if I speak about this student's traits to others, whether it be their peers or other parents, this comparison will often breed more negativity than positive. Each student is unique and has their own needs. Individual teaching and group teaching are both very, very different environments with communication, management and delivery needing to be focused on, as well as the content.

Every single person is a student of life, whether they know it or not. People are all trying to make A to B connect in a physical or abstract way. Let them be, if they truly ask for help, give them your all within your capacity and boundaries.

The key behind marketers is that of 'perception' around a product, service, brand or anything really. If someone perceives anything of value, their attention and minds will be there. If that 'thing' of value, is you (what you say, who you are, what you do, why you do it, how you do it) I believe there is an obligation for you to be honest and for you to live up to that within capabilities and boundaries. If that is not possible, decisively respond so. The more I experience life, the more I understand the importance of balance. As with any craft, the more you work on your passion, the more it will manifest into results. A few years back, I remember this mentorship concept, 'the rule of thirds'. This basically stated that the people you surround yourself with should be a third you mentor, a third where you mentor one another (more or less same place in life) and a third who mentor you. Of course this is just a generalisation and as such, can be scaleable to many aspects of life. This concept also shows how we are all connected as one (as cheesy as that sounds), as the person you mentor, the person who mentors you, are all sharing information in one huge matrix.

Children often limit test, being the curious kids they are. As such, it's important to set boundaries.

Part of my strengths was always my fluidity in my thinking. As Newton's third law states, "every action has an equal and opposite reaction." Everything in life follows this rule. Therefore, going back to the above point, my ability to construct and adhere to boundaries was very limited. As I progress in my career with mentoring, teaching and coaching, I understand it is important to have certain boundaries in place. Having interactions with some of my students, I notice that many are drawn to my down-to-earthness, therefore engage with a lot of my content. I notice that many of the students (mid teens) are also lacking boundaries in their lives, which scaleably leads to a mix of confusing situations. Such examples of boundaries can be as simple as "I'll give this person 3 chances, if they still do the same, negative act after I told them clearly, I will xxx." I notice that these students, as with myself at their age, resulted in this because there was a large degree of feeling unaccepted as a younger child. I've written on this more before. If a child does not feel accepted at home (this can manifest in many ways: they can't say something without some lecturing, they don't get any positive reinforcement, the parents word is the end all), they will seek to be accepted elsewhere. Many parents do genuinely believe that they do give their children autonomy, and of course, this is the complexity where more analysis and observations need to be undertaken.

Adults of all ages, are just kids. Mentoring an adult requires a balanced approach of healing and providing scopes for growth. With boundaries.

One of my clients that I have been working with for 6 months, was raised in a stable household with plenty of family time, just like my first case study. However, the balance fell short as the parents dictated the course of their life. Therefore, once this person was in the open sea of adulthood, the familiarity of being told and guided every step of the way was something they clung to. This pattern of behaviour also resulted in them doing things at absolute mediocrity and without intent, as they were so habitualised to be corrected by their parents. This lack of autonomy combined with habitualised authoritative instructions lead me to try and collaboratively unlearn this process. "You are the driver." As we begin to establish that they themselves are the driver, we begin to explore that being the driver does also have consequences that they need to be held self-accountable for. An interesting work in progress.

It is very difficult to objectively reflect on how you respond to a negative situation. Find YOUR own method of objectively reflecting.

When something negative happens, it's very difficult to resist the surge of emotions that come. It's much easier said than done, to let the rational part of your brain to take over. Acknowledging that reflection is an integral part of self-development for the future (in moderation like all things), I believe some key elements to this process is:

- Having a safe space with as minimal external influences as possible. Getting into the right state of mind. We all shift through different states of minds, some that are more ideal than others in many situations. However, every state of mind is important and understanding each is crucial to understanding more about yourself.

- Reflecting when some time has passed, but not too much time that you forget some important details (a balance as usual)

- Believing in the process of reflection (this sounds silly but you need to believe that this process is linked to helping your life out, and not ticking boxes)

- Linking it to something you are passionate about. Everything in life links together in some way.

- Becoming more de-sensitised towards negativity (let's put a more concrete word to this... conflicts!) I refer back to my concept of micro-dosing on suffering: taking on more day to day within your capacity.