Dealing with negative, unconstructive thoughts

Let’s not be so simplistic to say that every human has moments of doubts. These seem to hit us at the worst times or more so it feels like the worst times because we are unprepared. Being unprepared is normal, it is not possible to keep our guard up 24/7 and anyone who tries to do so will be exhausted too quickly.

I acknowledge that negative thoughts can occur at anytime.

• while performing routinely tasks (driving, studying, working, conversation) perhaps because we get unengaged to what we are doing

• Before a big adversity (a test, an ‘interview’ (I do not like the word interview), even before we try to sleep) I believe this is due more doubts creeping up/gushing in in moments we do not know for certain on what to do. Hence sometimes before we sleep, which we do regularly hopefully, it feels like a new experience. Trying to fall sleep each time. It is in these moments we doubt ourselves and our abilities and precedents… do we start faltering

Ok so… to me, the answers seem to lie in the following:

• Precedents. Have confidence in your ability to judge the negative thought and confidence in your previous experiences. There will be a need to transfer some similar experiences if there are none. This is quite a difficult tasks as humans lack the ability/routines to create new patterns. Change sucks! However, I do believe humans are decent at identifying patterns.

What about moments when there is ZERO precedence and the negative thoughts cannot be quelled? Your power of justification and logic is waning? There are too many holes…

We must practice detachment regularly. We must learn to disengage. Otherwise it will consume us. WARNING. Detachment is not detachment AND attaching to something else. I mean detachment. Bound to nothing. Absolute silence. Not Netflix, not conversing, not music, not vaping, not drugs, not partying. I mean… these are viable ways to relieve negative thoughts at times… in moderation… but they will come back. Perhaps you seek answers or revelations from partaking in these activities? To me, those are hollow victories. Although I do agree there are many moments in those activities where I found motivation and stimulus for answers to my negative thoughts and situations. I guess the most important factor is more what you do subsequently to detachment from the negative thought/situation. As well as what you do after you think you found the answer.

I don’t know anyone ‘successful’ who had it easy. I’m sure you’ll see this quote everywhere.

Maybe I will speak about this on a separate thread but I do believe firmly in ‘Microdosing suffering’ within reason, of course. Microdosing suffering is the practice of taking on the more difficult choice between the two. Naturally there are times to do this and not, so exercise common sense. What Microdosing suffering on a routinely basis does… it’s meant to condition you to take on a bit more stress and gain endurance. Desensitisation. Precedents. Routine is important right? As my father/mentor repeatedly says… “when a big storm hits, you will be accustomed to its impact.” Not because you are used to big storms such as torrential rain, thunder claps etc. but what the storm does to you… the transferable experiences of Microdosing suffering:

• unsteadiness

• Uncertainty

• not seeing the brighter side/end of the tunnel

• having faith that the “storm” will calm down

This is why I love martial arts. It is a microcosm of life. We suffer, we endure, we find meaning, we find strength in ourselves to take on life. Delayed gratification. So next time… take the stairs instead of the escalator. Eat what you don’t like on your plate first.

Here’s a question that came up as I write… “what if I can’t take the stairs even if I want to?” I do not have an exact answer to this BUT! I believe it lies in your experiences. I can speak only from logic and imagination and I strongly strongly respect anyone who is willing to keep going when life is just absolutely f**king them… I work with clients regularly whom have been diagnosed on the spectrum, physical, chronic and even palliative conditions so while I cannot empathise myself with them, I can see first hand the pains and extra loads they carry with life. Going back to the question… if you cannot walk up the stairs physically… you will have found another way. Elevator/escalator/crutches/carried up. I encourage you to be solution oriented. Do not wallow in emotional negativity of the situation. Easier said than done I know. But my client who has 6 points of chronic body pain has learnt to adjust her walk and sit. She has also learnt not to judge others on how they walk and has discarded “unnecessary” points of comparison because it is not constructive to her situations. What matters and what doesn’t? I also believe mental health particularly in areas of “disorders” needs far more support. I can acknowledge these are very complex, sometimes well beyond just the realms of logic and reasoning: a structure I strongly adhere and value.