I believe emotional regulation is crucial to success. Of course success is relative and in my opinion, emotional regulation is success in itself. We often only see 'invincible' people. I read a poem by Donna Ashworth, 'Unstoppable'. The poem speaks about society's perception of undefeatable people. They always seem bullet proof, nothing stops them.
"Unstoppable they called her
but I saw her stop
I saw her stop
many many times."
...
...
"Unstoppable they said
but I think
it was in the stopping
that she found her power."
Being able to regulate emotions is seemingly impossible. From traumas, triggers to just being human... We have our days, many a days of overwhelming emotions like a leaking ship. But some tips I've found... Don't focus on trying to feel better at any cost. Focus on learning HOW you feel and understanding WHY. Logic, methodology and consistency will help you eventually understand emotions and begin the process of regulating them as they come. Emphasis on consistency! it is not about how hard you can go. In fact, it is the opposite, how long can you sustain?
Je ne sais quoi: I believe another issue that adds another layer of obscurity is our current paradigms of seeking 'new' and 'better' constantly. The problem may be lying in that the terms 'new' and 'better' are often seen synonymously. Our potential answers to our problems often do not lie in NEW destinations, situations, people etc. They lie in the moment, the present and practicing the PAUSE. I'm also guilty and have been throughout my life of thinking the unknown as fascinating. Travelling... Meeting new people... There is a strange lure which tugs at your curiosity to think what may lie on the other side. But the grass is greener on the other side. Comparison is the thief of joy. To regulate our emotions, we must regulate aspects of our life as well. We cannot live in constant turbulence and take a kick out of that. Balance. At the end of the day, we CHOOSE what influences us (of course subconsciously at many times).
On this note... One of my clients was a man in his early 60s. A man of music, performing at the Conservatorium in his younger days, travelled the whole world, living the typical musician/artist's life. Living the high life, living broke majority of the time but making the most of what opportunity he was given. Every bit of his voice, his eyes and the intensity of his memories were burning as he spoke about the past. But health caught up, life caught up and his health began to deteriorate. I wondered about people my age saying "when I grow old, I want to have memories, not living regret." But as Frost portrays in 'The Road Not Taken', we will always reflect and consider 'what ifs' in the other path. It's a balance, right? The power of hindsight! Is the youth wasted on the young? Although noone is likely to change this... Impunity!
Practice the pauses. Practice silence. Practice intensity. Find that middle path that works for you. And don't forget your passion at the heart of it all. Find it if you don't have one (truly)! Humans are not made to always be silent and at peace 24/7.
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