Importance of looking back into childhood with a quick example

These days, I try to sit with myself and look deep into my childhood. No music, no amplification, just me searching within myself alone. Where did it all start?

1) At age 3-5, I wanted to impress my strict father as he never gave any positive reinforcement. I developed an innate hunger for it, combined with deeply rooted biological urges to be happy and at peace in a community.

2) As I began to be able to speak more coherently (aged 6-12) and understand actions and reactions, I began to develop tendencies to lie, white lies for the most part, to tell my father what he wanted to hear. I wanted to avoid conflict, I wanted to avoid him telling me off so I would hide certain details and events.

3) As I grew older into my late teens and began to taste adulthood and freedom, I found it easier to omit details and easier to lie. As this was left unchecked, and me still wanting to impress my father, I began to only habitualise this aversity to conflict. This would translate into other relationships, such as romantic or friendship or professional. I would put on a mask of what people wanted to hear/see/feel. Of course, this is not long term sustainable but I did not know any better.

This is a simple sequence of a bad habit which has stemmed from childhood. I only know what I know. I repeat, I only know what I know. I must be a constant student, trying to learn, being curious and importantly, going back to the childhood to where it all started. Then we relearn!