Me dealing with anxiety

When I was a child, I thought my feeling of 'anxiety' was abnormal. The term 'anxiety' or 'anxious' weren't commonly used as much as I hear it in today's space. The feelings were very much familiar to me but not so much the word or label.

The nerves that creep up from your stomach whenever you think of it. School assessment? Getting your report? Parent teacher interview? Going on a date? Sporting events? The closer the event comes, the more intense the feelings within my stomach, my heart rate, the pounding thoughts in my head come up.

Only as an adult, do I see that this was more anxiety before the event. More often than not, the perceived threat was nowhere near much of a threat than I imagined. But it still did not help subside these feelings of anxiety.

In hindsight, I believe this is because I never addressed the root of the cause, like weeding the garden, to effectively address the solution within reasonable capability is to address its roots. My dad inadvertently gave me coping mechanisms: to just do things without questioning or processing the feeling. In a way, this was shutting down my body's alert system and just doing it. From a young age, he made me order my own food at the restaurant. He would give me money and make me order. He would make me pick up the home phone. He would make me greet the guests that came. So in a way, I became accustomed to 'just doing it' despite whatever I was feeling. This made me numb and bit more desensitised to that feeling of anxiety.

However, it manifested elsewhere. When pressure in one place is not addressed, it often leaks in other ways. Compensation? Like the body trying to perform an exercise, if you're avoiding one part of the body, you feel the strain elsewhere. Eg: The lower back in poor form squats. This was not very holistic. The older I got and the more experience I got, I felt like running from events that exacerbated anxiety inducing moments. I realised I had no real tools to deal with these feelings and 'just doing it' wasn't going to cut it (at the time).

As I write this, I keep thinking back to how I believed my feelings of 'anxiety' were abnormal. Noone else must feel this way, therefore I must hide it. Noone else gets worried about meeting another person that they've never met before on the street. Noone else gets anxious about the test. It must just be me. While this 'make or break' thinking did get me to certain places, it ultimately didn't address the root.

The questions that come now is: how do we address these issues early on so as adults, we don't feel that level of pressure and/or helplessness.

From my own experience and my current attempts to unlearn my past habits/perspectives towards anxiety, I believe:

• Being present. This term gets thrown out there a lot but I believe with large validity. Being present means to be in the moment. For one to think about the upcoming job interview whether it be tomorrow or in the next hour, they are not being present in that moment. Of course, this is incredibly difficult. Being present demands that you must be present in that moment. Are you travelling by train? Take note of the scenery. Feel the train itself. Hear the silence. As silly as this sounds, this leads me to my next point.

• Taking control of the mind, this is so powerful. POSITIVE THOUGHTS. I used to be a huge sceptic of this. I used to think, why would I feed my mind with lies?! False hope? No, that's not for me. But then, I question myself, what even is truth, what even is a lie? If you're worried about meeting up with someone for the first time and you're nervous because you're afraid of being judged as 'unworthy', you must tell yourself WHY and HOW you are worthy. If you cannot prove it to yourself, you cannot prove it to anyone else. I am learning to LIVE with POSITIVE thoughts. This is not just an 'in the moment' thing. This must be practiced every living moment of the day, whenever possible. I often say, the mind is more important than food or water. We can live for x amount of time without either but our mind lives within us 24/7. Feed yourself positive thoughts. All the time. But of course, with balance.

• Being patient. Anxiety nor the coping mechanisms that you may be practicing will not happen in one go. There is no such magic, although certain medications and drugs may feel like so. We cannot get used to quick instant solutions. This is partly an exacerbator of problems: quick and instant solutions. We need to practice and put in the hard work and consistency to achieve something. Nothing good comes easy. Day by day: achievement is a build up of day by day work.

• Take the harder choice when possible. Life is always a series of choices and decision making. Take the harder choice when you can. Stairs or escalator? Take the stairs. Eat what you don't like first. Learn and tell yourself the benefits of delayed gratification. Over time, your mind will be trained to see the good in every obstacle. These benefits will eventually OUTRING the feelings of anxiety. Your purpose and your desire to achieve a goal will override the feelings of anxiety. And when you achieve something or make it through to the end, you will validate to yourself that you have beaten your feelings that day. It's a repetition of a series of these events where you create wins for yourself.

• Exercise. This goes hand in hand with all of the above. To exercise, you must be present. To exercise, you must take control over your mind (the mind telling you to stop, you're tired or you're at capacity). To exercise, you must be patient. There is no magic. Exercise is often the harder choice. It's often easier to sit at home in comparison to going for a run, to the gym, to the classes. Push yourself to your limit ON THAT DAY. Don't compare with others, don't even compare with yourself while you are at it. As long as you are trying to draw out that 100% on that day, that's fine.

You are the youngest you are today, right now. Practice it, seize the day.