The ego

Observing kids in my role as a coach/mentor, I see two types of kids. Kids with an ego, kids without an ego. I understand that is a very broad and fairly bold statement to make. As kids get older, they are coming to terms with what defines WHO they are, what they like, what they are good at, what they don't like, what they aren't good.

Knowing yourself and having strengths is very important to have a sense of 'person', self-respect and purpose. Similarly, if not more importantly, knowing your weaknesses is also very important. We can all appreciate that. Hopefully.

Particularly those who have lacked a 'sense of self' or 'strengths' throughout their life... or had positive reinforcements with little negatives during their upbringing... These people can often hold onto an 'ego'. I believe this is what is created from a fundamental "necessity". This is their defence mechanism and their substitute for a true sense of self/self-worth, strengths. Thus, as all things not genuine, it is quite fragile. It can be easily destroyed. So like glass or anything fragile, one would be extra careful when its safety is compromised/vulnerable. Those with an ego will not listen. Those with an ego will get defensive quickly. It is a weak link amongst their lives. But do not be quick to dismiss those with an ego. Many of them may have had tough lives with little support or appreciation and felt/didn't realise the 'ego' was forming. This is a social construct. A means to survive in an environment amongst the survival of the fittest.

We all want 'power', self-autonomy. This is not power as in to oppress and dominate others. We all want to be respected as well as our boundaries to be respected. In order to do this, we must have strengths. We must hone what we are passionate about and become good at. Skills is not so much talent (of course there is natural talent) but consistency and commitment to push through during darker times. It is in THE SUFFERING and FAILURES that we learn to let go of the ego. We HAVE to, or else we understand we cannot grow. It is our biggest hurdle within ourself. This is the process of humbling. At peoples' lowest point, when often a lot of noise is gone and the only option seems to be 'to give up', there is no ego. There is nothing to fall back on except for 'tomorrow'. We understand perhaps, that ego is what got us into that situation. Then we realise never to let ego stand in the way again. Any future success is just an outcome. It may be luck?

I can appreciate that in current society, there is more competition, more saturation, more processes and complexities. It seems like we must be defensive, we must shout out who we are. But don't forget the process of life. Truth. Consistency. Patience. They will reward us. So take on challenges. The body is more capable than we think. It is our mind that often holds us back. Live everyday, we die once. Exercise, feel alive! Be better than who you were yesterday. Breathe, practice the pause if you feel like your ego is getting hurt. What truly matters?