"Trauma is the unique individual experience of an event or enduring conditions in which the individual’s ability to integrate his/her emotional experience is overwhelmed and the individual experiences (either objectively or subjectively) a threat to his/her life, bodily integrity, or that of a caregiver or family. (Saakvitne, K. et al, 2000)."{https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/making-the-whole-beautiful/202203/you-can-be-high-achiever-even-trauma-background}
There is much research and anecdotes around 'high achievers' (I don't consider myself as a high achiever for one second) coming from at troubled childhood. From a biology perspective, this makes sense as I am reminded about hormesis (see chart below). This graph shows plants for example, grow optimally under the 'right' amount of stress. This can be interpreted with humans and 'traumatic experiences' at a younger age.
Source: https://carolinatotalwellness.com/blog/index.php/2023/03/03/hormesis-the-beneficial-type-of-stress/
Looking at my childhood, I recall many vivid emotional moments where I was in a state of fight or flight. As I mature and actively work on making sense of my childhood, I slowly detach the emotions and intensity of the memories. With careful logic and reasoning, I begin to see some key traits which I had been unconsciously cultivating throughout my short life such as learning to live under stress, to have to take no for an answer, to think fast and hyper-focus to work out a solution. Inversely and inevitably, there are plenty of 'harmful' things I have also learnt as per one of my favourite quotes dictates, 'for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction'.
Learn to play with the hand you have been dealt with.
I write this largely as my commitment to continue uncovering the difficult, tangled strings of my childhood memories. This is also my commitment to be there for the new generation of youth who are and will be going through their own tough experiences which will inevitably shape them as they grow. I want to be someone who can acknowledge anyone and see the human in all. I want to be someone who can help others see the opportunity within their struggles. Be the light, I don't want to lose the hope I see for humanity.
"In the end, we are all walking each other home." (Ram Dass)
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