Towards inner peace

Stop trying to take control over everything in your life. Stop rushing. Seek the essence.

At some point in one's journey for a serious pursuit of depth in any chosen craft, I'd imagine one would face similar road blocks to me, burning out and feeling like going backwards. Ironically, I believe such blocks are created by the self. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction as I often always find myself quoting Newton. When I push and give it my absolute in what I am doing, and try to 'David Goggins' my way through for too long, the opposite is burning out, an intrinsic and silently growing feeling of losing capacity to give what you could give the day before.

I apply this scenario to my martial arts, a big part of my life. Through my childhood to early and mid 20s, I used and viewed martial arts differently, like phases. To win, to look strong, to feel confident and feed my ego, to please my dad. Then to a more positive change, it changed to help others, to be a better version of myself, to view martial arts as a microcosm and metaphor towards my life and the world around me. The more I began to learn, the more I realised what little I actually knew and this was quite frightening. To realise how much time I wasted, how far off track I had become to and doing a disservice to my childhood self and my soul. In hindsight, while I had good intentions, such a self-critical mentality catalysed my inevitable burnout, as I rushed to seek good solutions quickly: a true oxymoron. Indeed, good things don't come fast. I dabbled into BJJ, Muay Thai, a bit of boxing and wrestling to 'fast track' my martial arts journey. In hindsight, I understand I had subconscious, powerful desires to be more like my dad, to connect more with him, to help others but most importantly, a strange, powerfully conjured yet so silent urge to "fix myself". In hindsight, I also understand that this is part of the beautiful yet difficult part of the journey towards self-development and inner peace.

As is the way with balance, I turn my focus back towards the more traditional path, a way of life for the long term, which I ultimately believe is a more sincere path to the "simplicity" of the day to day average person. The karate I have been taught with is GoJu which means, 'hard and soft', similar connotations to Yin and Yang, an eternal process of finding balance. I watch my dad who has dedicated almost 70 years to martial arts. And as I write, I feel a stronger connection and understanding towards Basho's quote, "Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise, seek what they sought." My father was more of the 'Go' and still is, he pushes like David Goggins through absolutely everything. At 78 and with a list of body problems that surprises all doctors, he still walked 10 km through one of the steepest hills I can think of in Sydney. He takes on his commitments like a mission, with absolute duty that he must see through. With all respect, inspiration and love, I can see the harmful 'reaction' to this 'action'. And through this journey of introspecting the physical and mental, I begin to understand the subtle yet very powerful nature of the spiritual realm. And as I write, I feel blessed that I can begin to appreciate this tip of the iceberg journey and its insights, that my journey has been largely a mental struggle more than physical. I never had to experience war on my doorstep, starvation nor brutal beatings in a violent and corrupt society.

I finish this entry with the commitment to seeking more through less. I strive for balance, I strive to rush less as is 'demanded' by the path to inner peace, an acceptance of all things as they are, both horrible and wonderful, in this circle of life.