Unpacking David Deida's 'Way of the superior man'

I finished David Deida's 'Way of the superior man', no complaints when a book is so easy to read yet powerful. Below are some key takeaways split into 2, self-development and love.

Self-development

• Fear is a lack of trust in now

• Importance of balancing all spine, no heart vs. all heart and no spine.

• Importance of balancing ingenuinity and absolute honesty

• Letting go/release is the most powerful finality in life

• One must love their family but also be free from their expectations and criticisms

• You can't overload yourself with stress. Keep pushing to the boundaries of stress, at the edge of fear and discomfort

• We must be able to take criticism from our friends, if they aren't, we need to incite constructive criticism and accountability in each other. Not mediocrity.

• Everything must be aligned with your purpose. Purpose changes, once it's satisfied, it may become dull, which means there must be a new one. Be mindful of destination fever though.

• Don't get lost in the details of life, just as much as not getting lost in the bigger picture.

• Time isn't what kills delight but familiarity, lack of purpose and neutralisation does. It's not your partner or your project that's worn out but your DESIRE.

• Feel completeness from when you give your fullest gift, not from external things.

• When you have a desire, your mind puts a "necessity-like" urgency to it. Without it, as a comparison, you are now unhappier. Stop putting these 'desires' into your head. Live in peace! Or you are always chasing your own tail.

• The greatest gift you can give is boundless love. This is about the depth of love, with no boundaries.

• We must live austere and challenging lives for growth. Do not cover your sufferings or replace them with fake 'escapes'.

• We must be accountable in life, often this is through your close friends (you are a reflection of your closest circles)

• When one doesn't truly believe in themself, there will be a deeply rooted, unshakable feeling that there is something higher than ourselves. We will never find the strength to evolve into the best versions of ourselves without self-belief. (Although I've met people who do have such self-belief and depend on higher entities for guidance as they recognise they are only human... This is more for those who haven't reached that point at all)

• You'll never be truly good at your craft if you focus on what you do. Focus more on who you are

• We must feel a sense of responsibility on a day to day to find what is true

• Live true to your core and shed pretense

Love and family

• Put your mission first, then your partner second. If you do not put absolute effort into your mission, you will not be truly content with your partner. Both you and your partner lose out on the best version of you and subsequently them too. Eg: Spending quality time with your partner after putting everything into your goals is far more powerful than spending "every second with your partner".

• Love is an ongoing conscious effort forever. It is not mere feeling.

• Love within your partner and your family is all a test to see your strength and capacity to keep taking on more. It's also a test to see how you can keep taking on more, you cannot be a bomb that is ticking to go off. Managing and channeling your load is very important.

• Don't simply 'tolerate' your partner. This will lead to eventual resentment.

• Don't over-analyse a relationship, it takes more strength to give love than to sit down and analyse the situation. (within reason) Love is incredibly powerful and washes away all of the minute details.

• Think of the way you handling your partner's chaos is the same way as you handling the world's chaos. If you cannot handle your partner's chaos, how are you meant to handle the world and its issues?

• Polarity is fundamental. A relationship should have two separate roles that feed off each other. Without polarity, the intenseness diminishes into neutrality which leads to a lack of a spark. If one person in a relationship is lacking direction in life, the other feels like they have to take control (whether they like it or not).

• Do you know what you love about your partner? Pick one thing, and align your relationship around that.