What makes a good liar?

I've shared the story of me being a people pleaser growing up. This stemmed from me desperately wanting to please my father and hearing his validation. I became a good liar and as paradoxical as this sounds, I am unpacking how this often harmful trait can be beneficial to understanding more about yourself and reality.

What makes a good liar? In the rawest sense, a good liar is someone that can lie and go undetected. A good liar in a game of Poker can call out bluffs or win with the worst hand. A good liar can get themselves out of a parking lot for free even after the free limit has passed. That is, if you look at the singular act of lying in its own event.

A good liar has their RHYTHM, just like a good fighter has their own rhythm. This is built up from TRAINING. Hours and hours on their craft. The same goes for lying. They have excelled at telling themselves that they are not lying for a long period of time. To give an example... "How did you do in your test?" someone may ask. One may reply with 15/20 when they actually got 14.5/20. "How much do you make in a year?" $100K, when they actually make 80K and potentially 20K on top with bonuses. A good liar is one who has mastered the art of white lies to the point where the lines between what is right and wrong have blurred.

Left unchecked, a good liar is only digging their habits deeper as they go undetected. There is no real feedback to catch them out. Those that may have noticed, will not be bothered to bring it up. Humans are natural conflict avoiders.

A good liar can warp their memory, again over a long repetition of habit. They may alter their memory of the fact, which is a subverse attempt to bury their consciousness. We often hear, "live in the present!" A good liar is often very good at living in the present. They are deeply focused in a game of chess with the present, in order to twist the past or future. A good liar is very good at being in control of the flow of the interaction. To a fault. Humans trip up, humans cannot keep up a facade forever without fundamentally losing their 'souls'.

There will be many moments when a liar will feel something is not right, even when they are so deeply engrossed into this habit. The key to disrupt this is similar to any interactive game whether it be a game of tennis, chess or sparring, disrupt their rhythm. A good liar is only as good as how comfortable they are in that situation. Put enough pressure onto them and they will undo themselves. The problem for them, as well as the remainder of society, is that people don't want to meddle into 'unnecessary conflict or affairs'. Ah there goes Tim, talking big again. But not many will call him out for whatever reason.

I'll end with John Steinbeck's quote, "the quick pain of truth will pass, but the slow eating agony of a lie is never lost." Lying is often a defence mechanism, habitualised over a long time. Don't just see the act for itself, see beyond it and see the person hurting inside.