What really matters to me?

When I was in primary school... Simply avoiding school work and reality was fun. Opposing rules and boundaries felt nice due to too many boundaries and rules pressed onto me. What did I truly want? I wasn't sure at all.

In high school, it was a mixture of many things. Having fun with my friends where I forgot all responsibility? Receiving test marks and doing well? Undoubtedly, the world was showing more of what it has to offer. Boundaries and rules aren't as much as primary school. It was an ambivalent time of less responsibility, but deeper responsibility in the ones I had. What really mattered? Feeling connected to a group of people. Not feeling alone.

For me, post high school was incredibly difficult. As I write this, I believe it was due to my mindset during high school which stuck with me during the earlier stages of university. Unlearning this, especially with no conscious understanding of my own mindset was very difficult. Everything seemed new. Everyone seemed like they knew everything. In hindsight, this was definitely not true. Noone really knew anything.

Anyway, what really matters. For myself, I value community and education, I value my societal responsibility and self-purpose to better others. Noone is perfect. Noone can be perfect. But we can all share and collectively grow. Too often, is it about ME, I, MYSELF... Perhaps this is my childhood persona of wanting to feel connected? I feel the most meaning and connection when I help others. Truthful self-discussion is so underrated.